“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection”
How much do you love yourself? Do you make yourself a priority? See your own worth? If the answer is no then you should consider reading on and learning about how to love yourself.
We all tend to put our ourselves on the back burner, we are focused on our families, our jobs, our friends, communities… whatever it may be. We plan so much in our lives to work for and help others, but how many of you schedule in time for yourself?
I strongly believe that in order to live a happy life that is fulfilled, to reach our goals and potential, to be who we truly are and live life knowing we have purpose… we first need to learn how to love ourselves, how to understand ourselves and how to listen to what our minds and bodies are telling us.
Without self-love, we may live a life that is filled with self-doubt, stress, confusion and frustration. We don’t feel aligned with what we believe and want in life. Often we hear the saying “you can’t love someone else until you love yourself” and I believe this to be true. In order to have successful relationships, and I don’t just mean romantically. We need to first be able to know ourselves and love the person we are. We need to be confident and authentic so we attract the right people into our lives.
I have said it many times before on this blog that loving yourself and taking proper care of yourself is not selfish, it’s not something that should be seen as negative because at the end of the day. The most important person in your life… is you.
How to love yourself for who you are
Here are some ways that you can learn to love yourself more. The real you, the person that you want to be. If you can practice these things, accept them, learn them you will be one step closer to really falling in love with who you are.
1. Don’t Worry About Fitting In
For some reason society believes that we should all fit into a certain shaped box, that there is a way we should dress, speak, act, live and that being different is a bad thing. What a load of BS! We need to be who we want to, who we truly believe we are. Trying to fit in is not living authentically or honestly, it’s not showing our true personality or beliefs.
I feel that in order to be happy and to love yourself deeply, you need know yourself and accept yourself for you are. You need to follow your own beliefs and dreams regardless of whether that makes you fit in.
2. Live with Integrity
Integrity define by Google say: the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles.”a gentleman of complete integrity”
This is an important one for me, I believe that in order to love yourself… you need to be proud of the person you are. To achieve that you need to have strong morals and principals, live a life of honesty and have a good understanding of right and wrong.
These are some of the morals and core values that I strive to live by in order to live my life with integrity:
3. Learn to Be Alone
We all need to learn to be happy when we are alone, happiness comes from within. I don’t believe its created by others but that it is influenced by others. If you are unhappy then it won’t matter who is in the room, that won’t change deep down. If you are truly happy within yourself then you can be alone, have fun by yourself and not feel the need to rely on others to have a good time.
I think we all need to spend more time with ourselves and our minds so we can learn more about ourselves and how our minds work and so that we can be comfortable in this world without relying on someone else. So that we can create our own happiness from within, then the only person we need to rely on is ourselves.
4. Live a Life of Gratitude and Appreciation
To love yourself you need to being to appreciate and see the good in absolutely everything about you. You need to identify and appreciate your strengths, your beauty, your mind and the incredible body you have. Be grateful for the things you might take for granted about yourself, like your health and your abilities.
Be grateful and appreciate the amazing things about yourself instead of focusing on the negative. Our minds do have a negative bias and by living a life of gratitude and appreciation you can change that negative bias and train your brain to be more positive. This will help you really love yourself for who you are!
5. Forgive Yourself
We all need to learn to forgive ourselves, no matter what has happened in the past… your mistakes or failures… FORGIVE YOURSELF. Focusing on the negative things that you may have done will only stop you from moving forward and becoming the person you want to be. Holding a grudge against yourself is not self-love and it is not a good way to live your life.
You also need to learn to keep forgiving! No one is perfect and we all make mistakes, we all fail sometimes. We have to learn to forgive, learn the lesson and move on.
6. Be Present and Mindful
Live for today, notice everything that happens around you. Living in the past or focusing on the future just makes you miss out on today. Be present and focus on each moment. Practice mindfulness by slowing down, see and feel everything that is around you. Don’t live your life on auto pilot and miss the beauty and uniqueness of your life.
7. Be Kind to Yourself
Often we are our own worst critics and we can be very unkind to ourselves. I have written a few blogs about negative self talk and about kindness. The easiest way I find to explain how to be kind to yourself is to imagine yourself as someone you love and care about. Think about how you treat them, do you treat them with respect, kindness, love? Do you put them down, beat them up over their mistakes? The answer is usually the complete opposite.
So next time you find your inner voice is speaking negatively, being unkind and spreading hate. Make the choice to work on that voice, to treat yourself the way you treat others.
Kindness to others is also a great way to do something for yourself, take my 30 Day Kindness Challenge and spread kindness to your part of the world!
8. Don’t Seek Approval From Others
Seeking approval from other people about your own life will never create a sense of self-love or achievement. You have to be able to be who you are, do what you want to do, have your own beliefs without needing the approval or permission from someone else to do it.
The only opinion about yourself and what you do that really matters is yours. If you know in your heart what you want to be, who you want to be then just do it. Don’t let others rule your life, you will never be happy and you will never feel aligned with the life you are living. We only get one life… make the most of it and live every day.
9. Believe in Yourself
Do you believe in yourself? Like REALLY believe that you can do anything? Do you know your worth? A critical part of self-love and good self-esteem is believing in yourself… you need to recognise your talents and strengths and be proud of them and believe they will take you anywhere. To reach your full potential you need to believe in who you are and what you are doing.
To reach your goals you need to believe in them, believe you have the ability to accomplish them and believe that you are worthy and deserving. Remind yourself that you are enough, you are amazing and very special.
10. Show Yourself Patience
Change doesn’t happen overnight, success isn’t created in a single days work… you don’t gain knowledge by reading one book or master a skill by giving it a go once. Be patient with yourself, be patient with your dreams and your growth… you can’t expect these things to all happen in an instant. Being impatient will just create pressure and stress in your life and will be counter-productive.
“Have patience with all things, But, first of all with yourself”.
– Saint Francis de Sales
11. Don’t Be So Serious
Why so serious? Some of us become so obsessed and serious about life… I spent a long time being so serious that I was boring and so was my life. I had totally lost myself and never had any fun, I became annoyed by everything and dragged people down with my seriously boring moods! By loving myself more and deciding to be less serious and to find fun and laughter I am now a much nicer person to be around!
We should be loving life and laughing every day, we should be seeing the good in everything and finding ways to have fun. Life can’t be all serious so find some fun and laughter in your life!
12. Ditch Perfectionism
Perfectionism is literally bad for your health. Trying to live a flawless life of constant worry and a sense of constant failure will destroy your self love. There is NO SUCH THING AS PERFECT! Striving for perfection is unrealistic and will make life miserable for you and those around you.
I used to be so focused on every part of my life being exactly “right”. I tried to be the perfect partner, mother, cook, housekeeper, friend etc and I was literally making myself sick trying to do everything “perfectly” all the time. Once I learnt to let go of my perfectionism I was able to love and enjoy my life and focus on what was REALLY important in life.
13. Set Boundaries and Learn to Say No
This one was a hard lesson for me, setting boundaries with people and saying no can be extremely difficult but is necessary when truly loving and caring for yourself. If we always say yes and never set boundaries then we cannot make ourselves a priority, we can’t practice self care and we end up overwhelmed or burnt out by the stress and pressure of it all.
I truly believe that politely declining anything should be OK, if your family or friends truly love and care for you then they should understand when you decline dinner, or a night out or ask they don’t show up unannounced. Whatever the situation you should feel confident to say no and know that the people around you support your need for self care.
Some people may not understand or like what you have to say but at the end of the day, you need to take care of yourself and people that don’t understand that may not be the right ones to align yourself with. Once you have started setting yourself boundaries and learn how to politely say no, it gets easier with time and people becoming more accepting and understanding.
14. Surround Yourself With the Right People
One rule I have learned to live by these last few years is this… if a person doesn’t bring some kind of positivity to your life, then they shouldn’t be a part of it. Surrounding yourself with the right people is so important. You want your circle of support to be filled with things like love, respect, loyalty, honesty, understanding and without judgment.
Hanging around with people who don’t treat you well, who are negative, who question your dreams… these people will not build you up, they will drag you down. So my advice is to look long and hard at these kinds of relationships and really question if they are healthy, if they bring positivity, if they are worth keeping and if you find they are not, then let go of them.
Find your kind of people… surround yourself with people who lift you up, who make you smile, who don’t judge and who are just as excited about your dreams as you are. Focus on the people who truly believe in you, who respect and honour you for who you are, who are proud of the person you are. These are the most important people in your life!
Go Forward With Love!
I want to finish with a challenge for you all, it is Valentines Day in Australia today and so instead of focusing on loving others, I want you to be your own Valentine. Write yourself a love letter, a card, create a journal whatever you like. It should include all the things you love about yourself. Include things you love about your personality, your talents, your body, your beauty anything and everything you can think of about yourself. Write them all down and keep this somewhere close by, so when you need a reminder you can look back on it.
For those of you who are leaving comments, I would love for you to include 1 thing that you love about yourself and share with everyone here. Not only is it a great step towards loving yourself but you will inspire others to do the same or show them some suggestions if they are struggling!
Go forward with love!